Poem: Blue Spectra: High Violet

[originally published in the San Diego Poetry Annual 2016-2017]

for Carl. & Dune.

I’d love to turn. You. On.
The Beatles, A Day In The Life

Blue Spectra: High Violet

I’d love to turn. You. On.
—The Beatles, A Day In The Life

Waiting, I feel my thoughts gather around
you, into something slightly short of prayer—
something, perhaps, infused with quiet awe—
and yes, it’s clearly more important than
March Madness or your 401K or the cost of
drugs; it’s close, maybe, to the way the
tender flesh of rose petal just now grows
outside your window, swells slow and hidden,
while dirt and water percolate through sunlight
to brew a delicate math of petal over petal,
interleaving into circle, into a crown atop
the green; something grows toward soon and
isn’t seen until one moment unsuspecting
the bud begins, the bloom peaks out
through a shock of violet.

And one day someone—maybe you—has picked it.
And the next time you—reflexively—pause and
look out the window, the bud has left, the
rosebush is something else, you at the window,
You are someone else and the time-space fills with
swirls and eddies of the absence of the bloom.
(As if somehow, when you die, your soul has
a bouquet of everything so beautiful that
it could only survive as awe suspended
inside a solution of sweet and silent regret.)

And when you arrive, inside your desire
you let me become finally us—I bloom
in between us; I tumble into you as
blue within blue, as you lie here and
my eyes hum shut and then bolt open,
electric, because here I let you
comb through me, split me onto the wall
like that sunlight physics lesson from high school:

Until you leave again, we move together, I
am your motion, your intent within now’s time;
your desire and my desire together dissolve
me more into you again, but then…

Something—I guess tomorrow maybe—plucks you
from now and soon and right this moment, tucks you
back into my memory, my longing, and again I wait;
as I wait for you I feel like a no-color, an
almost-color, a becoming color, a me
about to cross into you, me colored in
the violet beyond violet, that tricks the
eye into seeing an electric pink
—high violet.